The Boy I Loved But Couldn't Save

I sit at night and cry for you,
my once whole heart has gone askew.
I want to let go and finally move on,
but I cry for you more knowing you're really gone.

I wanted to save you,
I tried my best.
But everyday was another test.
Of my devotion, my faith, my trust, and my love,
nothing I gave you was ever enough.

I gave everything up,
but held you close.
Kept a shameful secret that no one knows.
Through the hurt and lies,
I still loved you.
But I begged you,
you would have to choose.

The poison won,
and I felt dead.
As you stumbled backwards onto your bed.
I hung my head,
tears start to pour.
You said, "Try it once;I'll love you more."

Afraid to lose you, I bit my lip,
as you struggled with the needle's tip.
I thought your love was worth the pain,
so you wrapped my arm to find a vein.

All our problems were suddenly distant,
erased away within an instant.
If this is the way things must be,
I'll grin and bear it so you'll never leave.

Your eyes and smooth talking always convinced me,
but at the end of the day I'd always feel guilty.
I made you a promise,
I didn't keep.
My heavy heart now sits and weeps.

One day our secret,
it finally crumbled.
With bent knees I sobbed and mumbled,
"I'm so sorry I've cause all this bitterness,
I guess this too was just a test."

No goodbye kiss or warm embrace,
no one last chance to see your face.
You sauntered off with such sorrow,
I pray this is a dream,
I'll wake tomorrow.

Every Bob Dylan song and guitar pick,
all the late night movies and funny tricks:
irreplaceable thoughts I'll cherish to my grave,
of the boy I loved but couldn't save.

Every line of this poem I've been thinking of you,
your sea green eyes and cheap tattoos.
Your tender touch and passionate tone,
reminiscing chills my bones.

But tonight will be the last tear I shed.
The only thoughts of you- dreams in my head.
I don't regret,
that may be wrong.
But heartache's affliction will soon be gone.