Reflection

So I decided it was time to just write. No fancy poems. Just write what's on my mind and in my heart.

Over the past 4 months I have faced so many battles that many people I know, will never have to face- and I hope never have to. I wake up everyday wishing that I could go back in time and erase the past 12 weeks so they never existed. But they have. And now i have to face those consequences.

I dated a drug addicted, abusive boyfriend- not physically, but emotionally. It was a constant up and down: multiple break-ups, cheating on me with- not one- but two girls, lying, using me for drug money, and manipulating me into doing them with him. After a final confrontation, he left me for good- sobbing in his driveway. a real winner right?

Now to people who knew me before 4 months ago, you can attest to the kind of person I am. I had my head screwed on straight. I did great in school and although shy at first, I was a very outgoing person. It's all changed. I found it hard to cope with his absence because despite all the bad times, there was also a lot of good times.I turned to dangerous escapes; escapes that only added to my problems.

Depression is something I've struggled with on and off. I've done my best to put a smile on my face and hide it from the world. For the most part it has always been a phase that goes away with a little bit of time. But this time is different. I feel dead inside. I seldom wake up with any motivation to do anything. I'm no longer inspired by the little things in life. I don't stop to appreciate the beauty of the world around me like I used to. With as huge of a battle for me as this is, I am making it through.